Gwenne Dickson, a spiritual empowerment coach, is back with another op ed – this time teaching you how to stop comparing yourself to others

I woke up, exhausted, after a ‘busy’ night, with an overactive mind, my brain demanding my attention with all the things that couldn’t wait until morning. Another night as a member of the wide awake at 4.44am club, a club that I don’t remember asking to join! But here I am, at 57, with lifelong membership.

All those nights throughout my childhood and teens when I tossed and turned and had to resort to turning myself upside down in my single bed to find an alternative way of sleeping.

It was the only thing that would trick my brain into switching off from everything coming at me all at once. A way to find the off switch in my mind and let sleep find me.

I’ve spent many a night awake in the early hours, frantically trying to figure things out or waking up with tears on my face after a vivid dream where I felt my dead Dad was still alive and hiding from me somewhere as a cruel joke.

It felt like it had all been a nightmare, the tears were evidence it was real for me on some level. My hypersensitivity heightened my emotions and kept me trapped in a vicious cycle.

So, how to stop comparing yourself to others

I recently heard someone say they were ‘stuck somewhere between a spiritual awakening and a midlife crisis’ and that sums up my life perfectly, although now, having woken up to the the fact I have lived a lifetime with undiagnosed ADHD, I know a lot of the ‘symptoms’ were a combination of my unique ways of receiving guidance and my extra-special brain doing things its own way.

As someone who always has come across as different, ‘in her own world’, doing things in ‘her own Gwennie time’ I’ve spent a lifetime apologising for myself and how I haven’t neatly fit into the boxes of how others behave, or what others want from me. I am now trying to be the opposite of that.

Feeling like a failure and feeling far too much. I’m often the butt of the jokes and I’ve owned it as a key part of my identity, my persona , trying to make light of it and laughing at myself – but recently I’ve started to take my power back.

Recently, I’ve been drawn to understand myself more, to unpick elements of my character and to look more closely at the ‘core’ me. I’ve been nudged and guided towards podcasts I needed to hear about how to stop comparing yourself to others, books I needed to read, and events I needed to be at, and I’m so grateful for it all.

“A person often meets their destiny on the road they took to avoid it.” — Sean De La Fonte

Hearing this quote as I listened to Gary Lightbody’s new book, The Forest is the Path, was a lightbulb moment for me. Hearing is one of my superpowers and when I add in movement to listening, it bypasses my conscious brain somehow, so that something often ‘lands’ for me in a significant way.

I was drawn to the title as to me it’s a good metaphor for how we lose and find ourselves throughout our lifetime and I’d heard him talk about writing the album and the book on his grief journey after losing his father.

Within minutes of listening to the audiobook, this quote made complete sense of me and my work now as an empowerment coach, transforming beliefs to show clients that our struggles are our strengths, the catalyst for discovery of our unique superpowers, our genius.

I now know that I have special gifts, and I make unique connections and receive guidance through my senses. I can see, hear, feel, sense and know things, make connections that others could never dream of with their logical brains and ignite this ability in others.

How it all unfolded

When a friend posted on Facebook that she’d been to an event hosted by a company called Seed Talks, I was intrigued. I investigated further and found they were hosting an event in a few weeks time near me for ADHD in women.

Divine timing was at play, because life had been reflecting back to me through so many conversations, opportunities and realisations that I was probably ADHD myself. I should have been away that weekend, but my plans had been cancelled and I was free. I bought my ticket, knowing this could be significant for me.

As I sat in one of the first sessions of the day watching the slides showing familiar images, hearing terms that I’d never heard before or was only vaguely aware of, all my ‘spidey senses’ were tingling.

It was like looking in a mirror, because this was me being reflected back with big flashing neon signs and it finally made sense of my whole life. Rejection sensitivity, inattention and hyperfocus, inability to complete tasks, the delays in processing information – the list of boxes I ticked went on and on. That moment of recognition, of all the dominoes falling, the dots joining backwards, was mind-blowing.

Discovering NLP

Being able to see myself truly made so much sense. When I left my corporate career behind, I thought I’d left behind that identity and all the negative beliefs I’d formed about myself due to not being able to do things ‘their way’. Redundancy was a sweet escape, a relief, but as Jon Kabat Zinn (father of mindfulness) says ‘wherever you go, there you are’.

We take ourselves with us – we can’t escape ourselves and our core beliefs and without outside help to see what’s going on beneath the surface, we keep repeating those patterns and life keeps mirroring back our beliefs in other ways.

When I discovered NLP and timeline, I accessed different parts of my subconscious, because I can so easily become deeply associated. I learned just how precious my hypersensitivity is and started to use my own energy too. People could see the powerful shifts I had myself and brought about in others and I started to see them too. The beliefs of excellence (presuppositions) showed me I had awareness and choice and that what I saw in others and so desperately wanted to have for myself, I already possessed.

My realisation too that I was hugely intuitive and spiritually connected gave me further fuel to believe in myself. How I do life is very different to how others around me do life – and as I embraced my Higher Self and my ‘Unseen Team’ of non physical guides around the same time, my progress became unstoppable.

It’s all in your hands

I wonder what parts of you are you hiding, for fear others might not understand them, might not like them, or worse still mock or laugh at them? What power are you withholding because you’re not connected enough to yourself? What disservice are you doing yourself, and others you could help, by not really seeing yourself, or daring to believe in yourself? If you see yourself as different to others that is your sign that you’re a leader.

But here’s the thing. You get to choose who you show up for. You get to choose who to lead. Once you’ve mastered your own mindset you’ll know exactly who you are, and who you’re here to help. You won’t be for everyone and that’s more than OK.

As part of my personal healing journey and my professional development (they go hand in hand), I have trained as a Vibrationally Healed Healer and to Master Level in Inigma energy certification. I’ve discovered tools and techniques to access my unique genius flow and begun to understand how my brain and my energy work in combination.

I have a personal energy stream and ability to help clients flourish, which I uncovered several years ago. What have you discovered about yourself that has given you answers if you dare to look for them? Or what path could you go on to help you on this road to discovery?

How to stop comparing yourself to others – the tools and techniques

Embracing who you are is not something we can, or should run away from. In my experience it only leads to unhappiness and anxiety.

“If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will destroy you” – The Gospel of St Thomas.

When you allow yourself to connect with who you truly are and the unique genius you possess, all your unique capabilities, you can start to soar. So how can you do this?

It will be different for everyone, based on who you really are, but as someone with undiagnosed ADHD, who’s struggled with limiting beliefs for most of her life, who’s felt an outsider, despite being a high achiever, these are some of the things that have helped me so far.

Try some out and add your own.They’re all intended to calm your nervous system and allow you to access all of your senses, heightening your intuition and creative powers.

Create time and space to tap into your energy in its truest form

For me this is going out into nature, connecting with your Natural Element Charge. What is it for you? Earth, Water, Sea, Air, Forest – something else? Where are you naturally drawn to go when you need to clear your head?

Follow your feet and let them lead you – you’ll get out of your head and into your body in a new way. You’ll start to uncover things you have buried and can tap into emotions and thoughts you may have been pushing away – the Eureka moments can land when you least expect it!

Tune into your other senses as you move

Listen to the sounds of nature, a favourite book, a playlist. By allowing mind and body to work together in harmony instead of fighting an internal tug of war with my mind alone, I’ve found the lyrics of a favourite song or a key phrase will hit my ears differently & something I’ve been trying to figure out ‘lands’ and makes sense all of a sudden. Notice the difference and take note! Capture the moment so you’ll invite more to flow to you.

Set the intention to ‘plant a seed’ and let it grow in the dark recesses of your mind

The idea is you take some small actions, the 1st step, then you let it germinate. Set it and forget it – you can capture it somewhere like a Trello board, notebook, whiteboard then let it go for now. It will come to fruition in Divine Timing or synchronicity will allow something else to magically happen that progresses it with minimal effort by you. Let it surprise and delight you and celebrate!

Play – get playful and add fun into your day

Get back to your favourite things to do as a child and do things that feed your soul! Do what makes you happy even in short bursts. Sing, dance, have a go on the swings, get out your hula hoop for 5 minutes! If you’ve got more time, paint, draw, write – lose yourself and find your flow.

Notice when your brain is most active/trying to tell you something.

Do you need to pay attention? If it’s at an inconvenient time, make a note of it and get it off your mind for now. Make an ‘appointment’ to come back to it later, when it’s right for you and trust.

Know when are you most productive or receptive

As you’re falling asleep or waking up, can you absorb information in that easy peasy way and let it go in while you’re drifting off or coming to? Your random ways of being are the gateway to your genius, so harness them to your advantage. I do some of my most creative work before I get out of bed in the morning!

Express Yourself

Voice Notes and Chats are a fantastic way to bypass your conscious thinking mind and access the subconscious. Chat to ChatGPT to process your thoughts and ideas, use Voice to text to write documents, send a voice note instead of a text or email – it’s quicker, more personal and you’ll notice how you feel as you’re saying it, and get more depth of understanding. It’s cool to talk to yourself and we’re all doing it, so make it work for you!

Now I know myself, I know that the sleepless nights, the ‘everything everywhere all at once’ feeling, is my receiving of genius streams of information at the most convenient time for me.

Hence the busy nights when my brain decides to download things it’s been working on. All of my senses are heightened because of my high sensitivity and those dreams of my Dad and other loved ones were their ways of connecting with me when I resisted it during the daylight hours.

My emotional sensitivity allows me to be highly sensitive to the information and translate it, so I can channel that for clients too and ignite it in them if they’re open to it, so they can start working in their own genius and health themselves too.

How to stop comparing yourself to others

I now know that my gift is that I can help you see who you thought you were, access the wisdom and knowledge of that younger self, allow that to transform the present and to change your perspective of the past, so that you can recall your power and reclaim your future, with opportunities opening up for you.

I’m inviting you to start exploring where your gifts lie, so you can see who you are here to help. Often you’ll reveal that you are a leader for people who are in some way like you. It’s exciting when you really see yourself. I hope you get to experience this too.

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