As my 29th birthday is fast-approaching, I’m taking the time to share my ”old” wisdom with 29 things I would tell my 20 year old self

June is a big month for me. Not in the sense of ‘I have so many exciting things going on this month,’ but more so because I’m turning 29 this year. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels a little strange about slowly approaching my 30s; it’s a big one, after all.

There’s something about the youth of your 20s and the maturity of your 30s that almost draws a line between one version of you, silly and naive, and the other, sceptical, distrustful and, in my case, slightly bitchy.

Do I think 30 is old age? Personally, no. According to societal standards, I was already old at 25. I blame social media for this, drilling the idea into our heads that you’re old at 25, leaving you chasing your youth and always, always, feeling old. When I look back at my mid-twenties now, I know I wasn’t old back then. I do feel old now, though. What a cursed circle!

I thought long and hard about whether I should write this op-ed, as a lot of the things I’ve learned in my 29 years of life, obviously, come from personal experience. And I feel weird about sharing those online. I admit, there was a time when I didn’t, but as time has gone on, I’ve felt the need to be more and more private about life and its ups and downs.

But in the spirit of being vulnerable and transparent, I’ve decided to walk you through 29 things I would tell my 20 year old self, to hopefully offer you a helpful glimpse into my life lessons.

Always give a second chance, but never a third

I’ve had my fair share of friendships and relationships. That’s not a bad thing, each one has taught me more about myself. For example, I tend to give people a lot of chances, even when they don’t deserve them. And guess what? It never, ever ends well. So now, I limit them to two fuck-ups. (I’m not talking about cheating or lying, by the way, those, in my eyes, are inexcusable.) If someone messes up once, I’m willing to look past it. If it happens twice? Well, that’s a pattern.

Date as many people as you can

Because how else would you know that sometimes, the type of guy you like might not be the type of guy you need? Date them all – the nerds, the bores, the cool guys, the funny guys, the nice guys, the popular guys, the toxic guys. I say give them all a chance, so by the time you reach your 30s, you know who’s the best company to keep as you move through life.

Do not settle for less

Because in the end, it’ll either end in a break-up or, worse, a divorce. If you know what you want, don’t lower your standards for anyone, that could end up being the very reason you eventually have to call it quits.

It’s better to be single than with someone who is just not quite right

I think this one’s pretty self-explanatory: learning how to be single is also a skill. Don’t jump from guy to guy seeking validation. Learn to validate yourself.

Check in on your friends & loved ones

You never know how much time you have left with them – life is unpredictable like that.

Don’t live to work

It’s easy to get consumed by work; after all, the average person spends five out of seven days working. But remember: no matter how good you are, at the end of the day, you’re just a number, and you can be easily replaced by someone else. The only way to not take this personally is to set a clear boundary between life and work.

Have a hobby (or a few)

If you’re living a work-home-work routine every day, you’re not really living – that’s not a life. Do something you’re passionate about. And if you don’t know what that is yet, take the time to explore different things and see what sticks, even if it takes years.

Connections matter more than experience

I’m sure you’ve all heard the phrase, ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.’ And it’s true. Get out there and meet new people – network, connect, and don’t be afraid to use your connections. It’s how the whole world works.

Stand up for yourself

Because no one else is going to do it for you. At the end of the day, the only person you can truly count on is yourself. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you, and for God’s sake, don’t be a pushover. People don’t respect that. They respect the courage it takes to speak up.

Be careful who you open up to

People, myself included, love to gossip. Just make sure you’re doing it with the right people, because otherwise, it might come back to bite you in the ass.

The only people who truly want you to succeed are your family

I find that people, generally, aren’t truly happy for others, and that’s quite normal. They might act like they are, but in reality, they’re probably comparing your success to theirs. It might not be malicious; I just call it human nature.

Don’t cling to friendships that no longer work for you

As time goes by, people change. If you don’t like who they are now, don’t stick with them just because of who they used to be. Cut them off and find new friends.

Know the difference between your ‘going out’ friends and your ‘dinner friends’

Listen, you might not be able to fully rely on your ‘going out’ friends, and that’s okay. Keep your fun friends for fun things, and your dinner friends for heart-to-hearts. Don’t expect your dinner friends to want to go to clubs with you, as that’s just not who they are.

Read more!

Someone once told me that reading is one of the best ways to stimulate your brain. Make time for reading.

Moderate your screen usage

It’s so easy to fall into doomscrolling on TikTok or Instagram. Before you know it, you’ve spent three hours swiping up, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t consider that a productive use of time. If anything, it just gives you brain rot.

If you notice signs of mental health issues, be proactive

Up until December 2024, I never thought there was anything wrong with how I think about certain things, and maybe there wasn’t. I was quite healthy in that regard. But after receiving a triple treat of severely bad news, I spiralled into a very scary state, one I had never been in before. It’s still something I’m actively working through, but I can’t stress enough the importance of seeking help when you feel your thoughts shifting from one extreme to the other.

Don’t be afraid to be cringe

If you’re thinking about not doing something because you’re scared of what other people might say or think, you’re wasting your time and potential. People don’t think about others that much, they mostly think about themselves.

Invest your money

Not into cryptocurrencies because I think that’s incredibly dumb, but into stocks. Speaking of cryptocurrencies, they’re kind of like NFTs, their value only holds if people collectively decide it has value. It’s a risky game.

Success only comes to those who aren’t afraid to risk and fail

As someone who spent a long time believing that hard work and maybe two degrees would bring success, I can’t stress enough how untrue that is. I blame society for feeding this notion into young people’s brains, only for them to later realise that’s not really how the world works. You have to play the game to win it!

Get that degree!

It might sound contradictory after the previous point, but your degree is your safety net. It’s better to have it than not.

The world does not owe you anything

People make their own success in life. Nothing is handed to them on a silver platter, unless you’re an exception. But the vast majority of people aren’t born with a clear path paved for them by someone else. You are the one who has to do the work to get what you want.

Don’t wait for that ring for longer than 3 years

The only difference between a married woman and an unmarried one is due to a guy’s uncertainty. This is my mum’s wisdom, by the way.

Spoil yourself

Even if it’s just a cup of really good coffee or an occasional shopping spree, treat yourself, because you work hard and you deserve it!

Don’t be afraid of change

Things never stay the same, and I think people are naturally, generally scared of change. But if you shift your perspective on change and see it as an opportunity for something bigger and better, it can only work to your benefit.

This too shall pass

If you’re going through a rough patch, know that it’s not forever. And if things are going well, appreciate the moment and never take it for granted, because, guess what, this too shall pass!

Journal!

I like life and all its little details. It’s easy to forget them, though, so keep a journal and try to write in it as often as you can. I love flipping through my old entries and seeing how things, and my perspective, have changed.

If you’re good at something – pursue it

Because life is too short not to.

Shy bairns get nowt

I stole this one from my Geordie friends because I love it so much. And it’s true! Don’t be afraid to ask for things, approach people, network, and pitch your ideas, you never know where it might lead.

Celebrate your birthday, always

This year, I thought about not doing anything at all for my birthday. That was strange for me, as not a year has gone by without me celebrating it in some way. Then I thought about all my past birthdays, some iconic and huge, some intimate and warm, and I don’t regret a single one. I would, however, regret not having a memory of marking my time on this Earth and all that it has given me.